Beyond Mood

The deed shapes the heart. The heart doesn’t shape the deed.

Happiness is an achievement. I think you should act happy even if you’re not.

As a child, my siblings and I could be quite a handful sometimes, running around the house like wild animals and often driving our mother crazy. We would bite, scratch, yell, and fight, stopping when someone inevitably started crying. That's when my mom would come into the room, yelling commands and making threats that she was ready and willing to enforce.

Sometimes, the phone ringing would rescue us before Mom could gain control. The ring was a double-edged sword, for it also got us to shut up as we followed Mom’s example. There was no answering machine in those days, so she’d always pick it up. My mom – with a switch in hand, eyes bulging with anger, and us cowering as we pondered our fate when she hung up – would answer the phone. 

The phone was not grabbed in a fit but lifted as if a delicate feather from the receiver. A magical transformation would take place. She was suddenly channeling the voice of an angel, “Hello.” Her eyes were bright and cheerful, her voice pleasant as if all was well. We’d still be cowering in a state of temporary grace.

Many people are out there telling you you should be – what they would term – “authentic.” Meaning your feelings must match your behavior. Essentially, they feel my mother should not have disguised her mood with a pleasant tone. The thinking is if you don’t let your feelings boil over, you're being inconsistent, and you are hypocritical for hiding your anger. They don’t seem to understand that happiness is work. That happiness does not arrive like a gift.

My Mom was a happy person. She achieved consistent happiness by acting honorably, regardless of how stressful incidents made her feel inside. Even if it diminishes your so-called “self-esteem,” you should act honorably. The deed shapes the heart. The heart doesn’t shape the deed.

My Mom never sat me down to have a life lesson. She just lived it. That’s how she taught me. It was her way. She didn’t ponder the lesson ahead of time. She lived it. It probably never occurred to her what I was learning. It was just the way she was. She taught me without realizing it. You should not dump on an innocent bystander with your crappy mood any more than you should intentionally cough in someone’s face. Be polite. Cover your mood, cover your mouth. Don’t kick the innocent dog because your boss made you mad. Don’t go breaking innocent hearts because someone broke yours.

God endowed us with certain unalienable rights, including pursuing happiness. Unfortunately, we misunderstand how to gain it; like so many other words in our history, happiness has been revised to mean, “If it feels good, do it.” Being authentic often transfers your inner turmoil to someone else’s life. Acting out may taste good, but it’s not nourishing.

Do you think we modern folk have put the shell of happiness over the peanut of impulse?

Thank you for reading my Substack, and remember:

It is the glory of God to conceal a matter and the glory of kings to search it out. Proverbs 25:2